Other than being a complete freak and sighing wistfully at pictures of men, Al is also known for not knowing anything at all about baseball. This is an amazing thing because Yellon has spent most of his adult life in the bleachers/men’s restroom watching baseball and when he isn’t in the park he is watching the road games on TV. The man has spent years upon years watching the game and yet as I will show below knows absolutely no more about it than a 10 year old who looks at stats on the back of bubble gum cards. Sure, Al is good for a nice MSM friendly quote, a recap of a game that anybody could find at yahoo sports or espn and other friendly white bread styled content. These are familiar topics and Al excels at regurgitating them daily at BCB. Sadly, Al doesn’t know too much outside of familiar topics other than how dicks smell or children’s haircut styles and this becomes apparent rather quickly. Doing some routine searches I have assembled the All Al Team and the reasons he wants those players and we will compare that lineup with the actual 2009 Cubs lineup.
Drink it in.
Todd Walker vs Soriano
I’d rather stick with Walker.And I doubt you’ll ever see 50 walks a year out of Soriano — and further, playing a year in RFK, I doubt you’ll see 35/100 from him in 2006. – Ed. Note Al was right, Soriano didn’t get 100 RBI’s but he did manage to hit 40 more HR’s than Walker, outslug him by almost 200 points and swipe 41 more bags.
by Al on Mar 23, 2006 8:38 PM CST
Jason Kendall vs Soto
Why not re-sign Kendall and have Soto as his backup?That way, if Kendall does well, you have a full year to bring Soto along to start in 2009. If Kendall sucks, you have an alternative. I swear, people are way too mesmerized by these Triple-A stats. This is something we’ve all criticized Jim Hendry for — being too enamored of our prospects.
Geo had an OPS of .868 last year. Kendall’s was .651. I guess there ARE things you can measure on a stat sheet Al, and this measurement says that Soto is swinging a Mandingo sized dick while your boy Kendall has one of those underdeveloped micro penises.
Derrek Lee vs Aubrey Huff and Kevin Millar
To replace Lee, it will require a trade and a free agent signing; I’m going to suggest a platoon, and there’s a reason for that. First, acquire Aubrey Huff from the Orioles. And then I’d sign Kevin Millar to back up first base and outfield. Yes, this is likely to be controversial — Millar, after all, is 37 and had a pretty bad year in 2008
Thanks to Maddog at ACB we can see that Lee is projected to have a WAR of 3.4. Huff on the other hand comes in at 1.89. You don’t have to be a SABR geek to know which is better. Millar is so fucking terrible that he couldn’t even land a major league contract so I doubt that combo of these two will come anything close to what Lee will produce in 2009. Plus you have to account for the fact that Al wanted to trade prospects for Huff and take up a 40 man spot to get Millar rather than trading nothing, leaving a roster spot open for younger or better talent and having a player who is already more that twice as good as the suggested platoon.
Then again, I keep forgetting there are some things you can’t measure on a stat sheet and Al reminds us of the true value of Kevin Millar.
But there is value in him beyond his statistics, and yes, that is important when you play a game where 25 men basically spend six months together in close proximity.
That’s so gay I can’t even comment, so I will just say that the things we measure with our stat sheets are far more important than Kevin Millar’s ability to swallow a teammates load over the course of a baseball season.
Ryan Theriot vs Ryan Theriot- Not much to say here. The one position Al has been consistent about liking is the one player who sucks the most.
A-Rod vs. Aramis
Ahhh how could anyone forget this epic piece of bullshit. It was the summer of 06′ and the lemmings were restless. The constant losing and penny pinching from Al’s handlers over at Trib Co had caused unrest in the bleachers and the suits at the Tribune enlisted their Collaborator-in-Chief to run some horseshit dungeons and dragons stat fag fantasy trade to keep some form in interest in the team during the long summer months. Al’s trade idea was so ridiculous that he was mocked for months. At least we got our first introduction to “Deep Goat” who is about 0-145 in trade rumors by this point. I won’t give Al credit for actually wanting a player better than the one the Cubs already have because this wasn’t real to begin with. Therefore I will penalize Al and instead of A-Rod in his lineup we will use a BP approved “replacement level player”.
Tomorrow we will take a look at the OF that Al would create.
All Yellon Team
C. Jason Kendall
1B. Aubrey Huff/ Kevin Millar
2B. Todd Walker
SS. Ryan Theriot
3B. (Pretend) A-Rod/ Replacment Level Player
2009 Cubs Team
C. Geo Soto
1B. Derrek Lee
2B. Mike Fontenot
SS. Ryan Theriot
3B. Aramis Ramirez